a cynical yoga practice

I am currently on a 1-week trial pass to the largest chain of gyms here... the New York Sports Club. I lifted weights the other day for the first time in about 5 months - can't say I missed it much. Lifting still bores me - its easy and routine. What I do miss is Earth's Power Yoga - the yoga studio I had been going to in LA the year and a half before moving here, and I miss my teacher Andrea Marcum - no other teacher has even come close to matching her intensity and yoga knowledge. So I tried out a yoga class earlier this evening at the gym, not expecting much, especially since I'm used to a very physical power-vinyasa-ashtanga-iyengar-ish yoga practice, and this was to be a less athletic-kundalini version.... and because it was the gym.

The instructor spent the first 10 minutes telling us what he was going to teach us. He kept using buzz words like 'tantric' and 'sexual energy'... but the crowd was a far cry from the sexy athletic women and shirtless sweaty men in the heated studio of Earth's Power Yoga... and I couldn't stop thinking that this guy was a charlatan. He was wearing sweats from head to toe for christsake.

But I played along. I considered walking out a few times, but I was determined to keep an open mind and see it through. We did a lot of breathing exercises, and heaved our shoulders up and down like madmen, and panted like dogs. It was not that much different from some of my experiences at Burning Man, where we did monkey chants in large groups... and held free-flowing spiritual dances. But that was out in the 100 degree desert, where crazy people do crazy things. In the gym, I could see the weight lifters peer at us, looking into the glass cage wondering what all the commotion was about.

When it was nearly over, we went into Shavasana pose, the final meditation where you lie on your back with your eyes closed. In power yoga, this is when you relax and enjoy the fruits of your labor as the endorphins rush through your body, and you feel an overwhelming sense of calm. I kept thinking how tonights practice fell into the category of "flower yoga"... or "yoga for pussies". I then started feeling bad that I was being so critical and cynical. Perhaps I was the one who had a lot to learn, and could benefit from this type of practice. Maybe I was the one who needed to pay attention on how to channel my positive energies.

With my eyes still closed, I heard the instructor tiptoeing around the room, and the crackling of what sounded like candy wrappers. I thought to myself, how funny it would be if he actually gave us each a piece of candy since it was valentines day.

When we opened our eyes, sure enough, there was a mini M&M's candy bar in front of each of us. Really.

I have to admit. I was touched by this kind gesture... and happily ate my candy bar... thinking this was probably the first yoga class I've taken where I've gained more calories than lost.